to: me
from: admin
topic: [URGENT] PLEASE STOP SETTING OFFICE COMPUTER WALLPAPERS TO PICTURES OF SUFJAN STEVENS

To be Online, or not to be, that is the question,

[YEAR: 2030]

DOCTOR: (to me) Your daily habit of drinking a bottle of iced coffee every day for the past decade has taken a terrible toll on your health. I'm sorry but our tests discovered that you have a permanent and untreatable case of The Shits

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welcome to my mental health blog. on the left you will find "the scream zone" and on the right is the little cross to close the window

my most millennial moment was when i started a fire in the kitchen as a teenager and immediately googled 'how to put out fire' on my laptop

tfw no beautiful anarchist wife to repudiate oppressive social norms with

i think about the goatse guy often. what happened to him. is he still alive. is his ass ok

To: Me
From: Ebay
Subject: Your Order ("Sufjan Stevens Body Pillow 160cm") Has Shipped

my average video game playthrough cycle

- install game
- download 100000 mods to perfect immersion, aesthetics, depth of game
- game doesn't work
- forget about game

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I'm actually a depressed twink but it's more fun to pretend that I am a skeleton online

the world is a toilet and we are all treading in its placid waters

the renaissance produced millions of nude marble busts but not a single one of a person honking off. why

HogWatch Status Update:

The TL is currently SAFE (No Hogs)

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can't believe they turned the experience of recieving 'hey' from empty profiles on tinder into a board game

emptying the cheapest goon sack money can buy into a wine glass and sniffing and swirling it around like a connosseiur

(i enter the runway wearing a tattered, creased shirt with coffee stains, no pants, and unkempt hair)

ME: (VOICEOVER) tonight on the runway i'm serving you absolute slacker chic, treatment resistant depression couture. i am feeling amazing in this outfit

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THE SCREAM ZONE

For people who are constantly screaming into the void.